THAT'S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SO BEYOND ANNOYED!
ANNOYED
AND
FUCKING FRUSTRATED!
AM
I
EVER
GOING
TO
UNDERSTAND HETERO MALES?
WHAT IS THE BLOCK?
WHY DO I DISTINGUISH
BETWEEN
HETERO/BI/HOMO
I CAN'T HELP IT!
ALL EVIDENCE HAS SHOWN ME
THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE
BAH!
'MY NEW ATTITUDE'
RE: ASTROLOGICALLY
HAS APPARENTLY NOT KICKED IN
BUT
I'M FRUSTRATED
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING MYSELF HEARD
OR
I'M DAMN WELL TRYING MY HARDEST
AND
PEOPLE
MEN
STRAIGHT MEN
AREN'T LISTENING
THEY AREN'T ACKNOWLEDGING MY FEELINGS
ARE THEY REALLY SO SIMPLE?
SHOULD I JUST GIVE THEM UP?
OR
DO STRAIGHT GUYS
ONLY 'GET' THE GIRLS THEY'RE FUCKING
IS THAT IT?
AM I NOT WORTH THE EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT
CAUSE
I'M NOT SERVING PUSSY ON A PLATTER?
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I WAS SO EXCITED
FOR A NIGHT WITH HARRY
FOR A NIGHT WITH ME
AND
NOW I CAN'T EVEN FOCUS
I'M SO MAD
I'M SO FRUSTRATED
I'M SO HURT
I'M HURT
I'M HURT
I'M FEELING LIKE GIVING UP
ON THAT ENTIRE
FRACTION OF THE HUMAN RACE
FUCKING
PROVE
IT
TO
ME
UNIVERSE
BECAUSE
I FEEL LIKE I'VE TAKEN CHANCES
I FEEL LIKE I'VE PAID SOME MASSIVE DUES
AND
I FEEL LIKE I FUCKING DESERVE
A MAN
A MAN
A MAN
FRANKLY
OTHER THAN A FEW TAKEN ONES
HERE AND THERE
THAT 'MEN'
REAL MEN
THEY'RE GONE
THEY'RE EXTINCT
THEIR TIME HAS COME AND GONE
AND
WELL
I GUESS I NEED TO LEARN
TO LIVE WITHOUT THEM
BAHHHHHHHHHH
WHO AM I KIDDING?
I COULDN'T GO THE REST OF MY LIFE
WITHOUT COCK
AND SWEAT
AND MUSCLES....
BUT
IT'S THEIR BODIES I'D MISS
THEIR MINDS
THEIR EMOTIONAL CAPACITY
HA!
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH
PRESENTLY
I'M JADED
I'M A CYNIC
I'M DOUBTFUL
I'M SWITCHING TEAMS
FUCK
THIS
.......
MY DAD MADE ME CRY TODAY
OVER SOMETHING SWEET HE SAID
BUT
I REALIZED
MY DAD TALKS TO ME
THE WAY HE DOES
BECAUSE
I HAVE WHIPPED HIM INTO SHAPE
OVER THE YEARS
I'VE FREAKED OUT
I'VE CRIED
I'VE SCREAMED
TO GET ACROSS
THE EMOTIONAL THINGS
I NEED
TO FEEL LOVED
TO FEEL SECURE
TO FEEL OPEN
IT'S TAKEN
APPROXIMATELY
20 YEARS
TO GET TO AN EMOTIONAL, ADULT PLACE WITH MY DAD
AND
WE'RE CLOSE
BUT
IT TOOK A FUCKLOAD OF TIME
AND
A HELL OF AN EFFORT SOMETIMES
TO GET US WHERE WE ARE TODAY
I HAVE MY DAD
AND
THE ONLY REASON WE LASTED
IS BECAUSE HE BROUGHT ME INTO THIS WORLD
I DOUBT
WE WOULD HAVE LASTED AS A COUPLE
THEY GIVE UP
THEY AREN'T AS STRONG AS WOMEN
THEY.......
GOD
I'M SUCH A MAN-HATER
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
UH OH
UH OH
UH OH
I GUESS
IT'S EASY TO DOUBT A GROUP
THAT
CONSTANTLY DISAPPOINTS
CONSTANTLY HURTS
CONSTANTLY HAS ULTERIOR MOTIVES
DID I MENTION...
I'M WORKING ON A NEW ATTITUDE?
ASTROLOGICALLY....
AND
I HAVE 16 YEARS
TO GET IT RIGHT...
I'M ONLY HUMAN
NOT ONLY
I AM HUMAN
AND
I'M BRINGING AS MUCH JOY AND HURT
TO THE TABLE AS YOU
AND
IN MY SCORPIO-RIFIC OPINION
PROBABLY MORE
LOL
SUCH A JERK
LOL
BUT
IF YOU DON'T ALLOW ME 2 ASK QUESTIONS
IF YOU DON'T ALLOW ME 2 HIDE WHEN I WANT 2
IF YOU DON'T ALLOW ME 2 TAKE TIME 2 WORK THINGS OUT
THEN
WELL
WALK ON
BECAUSE I NEED TIME
BECAUSE I NEED UNDERSTANDING
BECAUSE I NEED YOU 2 SHUT UP
FOR 2 FUCKING SECONDS
AND
LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING
REALLY LISTEN TO ME
AND
ASK SOME QUESTIONS YOURSELF
AND
ALLOW ME TO SHARE WHAT MAY BE BEHIND MY FEARS
AND
ALLOW ME TO BE ME
WON'T YOU
PLEASE?
............
BAH
I DON'T WANT MY BLOG
TO BE FILLED
WITH GRIPING
WITH MOANING
WITH BITCHING
BUT
I THINK IT'LL NEED TO BE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE
BEFORE
'THE LIGHT GETS IN'
I FEEL SUCH PRESSURE
TO ALWAYS POSITIVE
TO ALWAYS BE AN EXAMPLE
TO ALWAYS BE UP
BUT
I AM WHO I AM
I AM WHO I AM
I AM WHO I AM.