This Is A Gift

Camped out at Rockwell's
Is that the right grammar?
If it is the house belonging to Rockwell
Is It Rockwells
Or
Is It Rockwell's
Sad that I don't know that
But I'm not ashamed to admit that
How else can you learn

Have decided to start
Expanding my vocabulary
My knowledge of culture
My exposure to literature
By starting to read some 'classics'
Have started with The Picture Of Dorian Gray
By Oscar Wilde
I am enjoying immensely
But require a dictionary on my Blackberry
Or a pocket one...
Or to not read on the tube
Whatever
I'm enjoying it
Mr Wilde is witty, observant and brutally honest
I would have loved to be the hag
To his fag

Alexander hanging laundry in his designer underwear
'It's going to be really hard not to fuck you, if you get any hotter...I'm just warning you'
It's true
Being around a half naked toned gorgeous kind man
When all you want is cock quads and sweat
Is challenging
Though in reality
If his face went any where near my cunt
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing
Don't get me wrong
He's gorgeous...As I've said
But
He's actually the opposite of my type
I can't get over it
He's so not not not my type
Thank gggoooddd

I am trusting the process of life
I am trusting my great manifestation work
I am trusting my love for myself
I won't even mention the current 'worries'
For they are not even on my radar
I move with ease through the transition of life
I am so thankful to experience a new community
All is well in my world

The Sun, The Moon

Since my reading with Christopher Witecki
I am reminded
Over and over and over
By the people I meet
By the stories I hear
By the actions of others
That this is my life
My one life
In this body
With this set of experiences
And I must live this life for me

Too many people answering to others
Too many people sacrificing their heartsong for others
Too many people getting lost in other peoples egos
I see it
As a little nudge
As a little eternal string around my finger
As a little reminder to me
To live my life for me my way
And to remind others to do the same

I finally feel ready
To swoon again
To open again
To share again
To be kissed and cuddled and adored again
I want so many flowers
I want long talks before long fucks
I want to memorize someone's face, back and hands
I am surrounded by gorgeous, lovely & sexy men
Alexander
Rockwell
Samurai
Horus (sometimes hahaha)
Etc Etc Etc
I meet new ones everyday
And I recognize new ones already in my life everyday

I adore m-e-n

And I have a little crush
On a little lady
Though I can be quite a vain creature
Tell me I'm beautiful and I just might fall in love with you
She impressed me
She was sharp & witty & kind
I adore w-o-m-e-n too

So many options
So much time
So much love

B & B (Blissed & Blessed)

Surrounded by blessings
Surrounded by joys
Surrounded by friends
Surrounded by creativity
Surrounded by abundance
Surrounded by love & light

And
Surrounded by soft warm linens and bedding
Blessed
Beyond
Beyond Blessed

Wonderful Womb

So fucking ready
For things to get moving
Seriouslyyy

Last night
To have been a fly on the wall
For the most ridiculous sight
Me
Sobbing
Because my vibrator takes AAA's
And I bought AA
Sobbing
Because I could not come
And all I needed was for that thing to last 30 more seconds
Sobbing
Because I'm sick and tired of masturbating
And I need to be touched all over by some beautiful hands

I would be happy to masturbate only forever
If there was some lovely next to me
Whispering dirty hot little nothings
And tracing a finger along my trembling self

I know it's coming
I know they're coming
I know I'll be coming
BUT
I
FUCKING
WANT
IT
NNNOOOWWW

I want everything now now now

I have so much frustration directed towards Samurai
I don't think he knows
Or he's ignoring it like a gentleman
Because he's not the cause
He's just there
But I'm frustrated because I feel unwanted
I'm starting to feel like another one on the list
I know this is silly
I know this is not true
I knnnooowww
I'm 1000's of miles away
I'm just bored
I'm needing new blood/cock

Nervous
Going to the Dr tomorrow
To get a needle in my vag
Cervix dilated
IUD put in place
Totally worth the lack of additional hormones swimming around in my body
From pills or patches or rings
But it doesn't mean I'm not nervous
It'll be over so fast
By tomorrow night I'll forget

Time to focus
To visualize a very peaceful vulva
A gentle, kind and precise Dr
Happy, healthy & responsive womb

Marry Me John

Quickly
Quickly
Quickly
Because I must rest

Today
I am recognizing patterns
I'm embracing the devil card
I need to get busy
FAST

I rarely remember my whole dream
Just snippets of each one
Intense and cryptic

Last night I fucked this ripped, tattooed gay man
The position
I believe
Is actually physically impossible
...Wait
Maybe he was in my ass
Ohhh!
EUREKA!
HA
If that's the case
I don't know that it was safe to be having anal
This rough and crazy
Him
Back against the wall
Legs bent to just above a 90 degree angle
I was perched on him
Feet on his muscly quads
Mmmm Muscly quads make me weak in the knees
Where was I?
Anyway
We were fucking like it was going out of style
He had tattoos
I don't remember the room
I don't remember his face
I don't remember really seeing myself
Just how hard it was
And raw
And masculine

Fuck
Gotta sleep
Bring on the dreams!

Doggg Daysss Are Overrr

Not sure I agree with the man
But I understand the sentiment
Seems to be typical of my day in and day out lately

Just as I felt things slipping from my hands
I learn to let all things go
And some things stay
And some things go
The right things stay
And the not-so-right things go

I'm falling asleep

All I know
Is
That everything and everyone
Comes into your life
For a reason
And it's important to understand, on a heart level
What those things mean
Though it may be hard
Though I may not understand
Though I may not want things to go or come in
Every time I make that connection
And I understand that little more about myself
The more I love me and this world
The more I think it loving and divine
The more I know it's all intelligent and kind

No one said it was easy
But it's worth it
And I am thrilled
Day after day after day

Don't Go Changin'

I'm trying to hold on
To something that's slipping from my fingers
There will be others
There will be others
There will be others
Bigger
Stronger
More Attentive Lovers

He is not not attentive
He is somewhere else
He is busy
What can you ask of someone you hardly know?

Choose me
Choose me
Choose me

I don't even know if I want him anymore
(Obviously, I do)
But I don't burn for him any more
I don't long as deeply
And I don't see him in the street

It feels a bit sad
When your feelings change
The letting go
It's deep and it starts the tears
Even when you know there's no reason to shed any

And I'm bored
And I'm beginning to see the cracks
And I'm here and he's not

Plain and simple
And yet the tears are ready to spring into action

I am comforted
Knowing
That I'm making space for many gods
I am the goddess
Clearing out my heaven
For 1 or 5 or 10 lucky ones

As a child
I made friends with tree stumps
There were 3
But I only remember 2
Well, I only remember the names of 2
Olivia and Gerard
Gerard because my dad had a very fat co-worker
And this stump was very large
Olivia because I thought it was the most beautiful name
And this stump got lots of sunshine and was petite
I wish I could remember
All the things I told them

Hiding Awayyy From Uranus

Ms Westwood



Oooyyyeee
It has been such a challenging week
Thus far
I'm trying to make tonight
Not so challenging
By hiding away
With faggots & fags & gin
Plus chocolate & grass & grease

So angry with Alex
Because I'm angry at myself
I wanted to ask him to stay
I wanted him to know to stay
And I wasn't brave enough
To ask him to stay
To ask anyone
Cause I don't know how to do that
I don't know how to say
Stay here
I need you
I'm learning
But I''m not sure how to say it
Without years of judgment piling in my head

Am I making myself clear?

I am so horny right now
But so unwilling to budge
Off my perfect one
And why should I budge?

So many cute guys in my life
But most gay
Another portion of boys in my life
Not yet to scratch
Or i'd be fucking them, rather than typing
These need a little self esteem boost
Or a self discipline boost
Or a self love boost
One and the same, really
But I'm not willing to really invest in any one boy at the moment
I'm working on my own boost
Then
There is that final percentage
The guys I see, here and there, who make my heart & head race
Or in the same group
The future lovers already in my life
I'm learning
I'm preparing
I'm almost there
Almost

But the thirst is growing stronger
And the lines between now and then
Are blurring
I walk down one of the busiest streets in the world
And my body walks
While my mind body is filled with come over and over
And I am haunted
And I am entranced
My physicality is crossing over
And I moan out loud sometimes
Sometimes I do
And I go unnoticed
These are the times that I am happy to go unnoticed
One of the few times

I am ready to be treated like a queen
As Chris has told me
I need to be treated
I agree and I'm ready
More than ready
Not sure how to expect
I guess
I better not expect it
Or anyone
Or anything
Just trust