When Will My Reflection Show

How to describe today...
Joyous
Aggressive
Spaced-the-fuck-out

Phenomenal tarot reading with Alexander
I am well
I am loved
I am fine

I'm feeling like...
The calm before the storm
But I'm facing the storm
The world
The love
As a whole person now
Not complete
Just whole
Just grounded
Just loving

Most everyone around me
Is fucking love crazzzy
Like actually crazy
I feel like I'm meeting people from another planet
It makes me uncomfortable
It makes me curious
It makes me question myself

I don't know if I believe in love
That 'movie' love
Well I know it's around
But I don't know if it's for me
And I wonder if that makes a lonely life for me

Because I'm 'unattainable'
HE said it
Not me
'You had me, you have me' I said
But I'm unattainable because I don't want to settle
Settle
OR
Settle down

Maybe I'm starting to worry and wonder
Have a chosen a lonely life for myself?
Cause I thought I'd chosen a SEXY LOVE FILLED LIFE for myself

Here's my thing
I've loooved
I've poured my love into another
I've opened myself in every way
But I've never received that level back
I've never experienced the two way street
I've grown skeptical
Everyone I'm seeing around me
Who is 'in love'
That crazy singing opera in French while people are boarding planes
Is miserable
Is watching the love crumble around them
Is holding on for dear life

Are they holding on to an illusion?
Or do they just know something I don't?
Maybe the agony is just too sweet

I get it
I know it
I feel it

But...
I'm still not sold
I'm still not sure
I'm still not a believer